Military Jokes

Army, Navy...whatever. Here's their own brand of humor.

Postby Walt » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:02 pm

Back in the late 60's my old boat was at Annapolis showing the middies the wonders of the long black beast often referred to as a submarine. Due to the draft of the boat, we had to anchor out in deeper water and take a launch in to shore.

Here we were, a bunch of boat sailors all decked out in whites with our civvies tucked under our arm, when one of our more notable Torpedomen proceeded to strip down, throw his uniform onto the seat beside him, put his civvies on and sit back down. The only thing heard on the launch was the sound of the engine.

The next day, some of the officers and enlisted men were summoned to the head shed to speak with the HMFIC. All of us related the incident to the best of our ability and then the CO was called in. He was asked "Why, since you were the senior officer on board, didn't you tell Petty Officer Noonkester to wait and change clothes later, instead of making such a spectacle of himself in front of all those midshipmen?" Our CO replied "Primarily Sir, because I didn't want to be told to Fuck Off in front of all those midshipmen."

We were never invited back.
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Postby Walt » Thu Dec 11, 2008 11:24 pm

In addition to communicating with the local air traffic control
facility, aircraft are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar
(military) a ten minute "heads up" that they will be transiting Iranian
airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and
involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft and
points of origin and destination. A pilot recently overheard this
conversation on the emergency frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from
Europe to Dubai. It's too good not to pass along. The conversation
went something like this.

Air Defense Radar: "Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in
Iranian airspace. Identify yourself."

Aircraft: "This is a United States aircraft, and I am in Iraqi -- not
Iranian -- airspace."

Air Defense Radar: "You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart
our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!"

Aircraft: "This is a United States Marine FA-18 fighter jet ... Send
'em up!"

Iranian Air Defense Radar: (No response ... Total silence.)
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Postby Walt » Wed Jun 08, 2011 11:55 am

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.

He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. ...Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class,
he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The smart-alack punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was. But before
they had a chance to try any pranks the former Marine walked confidently into the rowdy classroom. He opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.

There was dead silence... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
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Re: Military Jokes

Postby Walt » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:50 pm

A crusty old Chief is sitting a the bar enjoying his beer. A sexy young blonde slides into the stool next to him and says,
"How long has it been since you've been laid?"
"2010." says the Chief
"That's horrible!", says the blonde.
"It's not that bad", says the Chief, "It's only 2035".
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