Jokes About Men

Came across something funny? Post it here.

Moderator: Walt

Postby Walt » Fri Sep 24, 2010 7:04 am

As men age, we start seeing more and more of the medical world and its employees, which nowadays seems to have more and more women as our Physicians and Therapists, etc., and in this case a new Urologist for me.

My family Doctor just recently referred me to a "just out of medical school" female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous... as well as unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating.

I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you......."
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Postby Walt » Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:55 am

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Postby Walt » Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:26 am

Q: How does a man treat a woman?
A: 500 mg of Valium or Xanax. :drink:
Join the Forum and comment on this post.
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Postby Walt » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:07 pm

I got talking to a girl in the bar tonight and told her I've got a PhD.

Looking really impressed she asked, "In what?"

I laughed and said, "What I really mean is, I've got a pretty Huge Dick."
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Postby Walt » Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:15 am

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Shit ,Kevin how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go ?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who ?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes !
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So . . . . here I am !
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Postby Walt » Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:13 am

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Re: Jokes About Men

Postby Walt » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:37 am

A guy went up to his father saying:

"Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: That's great son. Who is it?

Son: It's Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.

Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.. Sandra is actually your sister.

The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, and indeed, a couple of months later ...

Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!

Father: That's great son. Who is it?

Son: It's Angela, The other neighbor’s daughter.

Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn't your father” :thumb:
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Re: Jokes About Men

Postby Walt » Sun Oct 19, 2014 7:44 pm

An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisssssssco!”

Soon a store clerk approaches and says, “Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D.”

The old lady replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my husband.”

The clerk is astonished. “Your husband’s name is Crisco?”

The old lady answers, “Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we’re out in public.”

"I see,” said the clerk. “What do you call him at home?”

"Lard ass.”
User avatar
Walt
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2627
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:11 am
Location: Undisclosed bunker

Previous

Return to Humor

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron