Jokes

Here are all the jokes which readers have sent in... Okay, not ALL the jokes. Here are the FUNNY jokes which readers have sent in. If you have one, email it to me and see if it makes the cut.

Tell us what you think.

Q: What do you call two Lesbians in Alaska?
A:Klondykes

Manhood Ceremony

A young brave was being inducted through his manhood ceremony to join the warriors of the tribe. He was faced with three tents.

In the first one was a gallon of plum wine, which he had to drink in one go. In the second was a mountain lion with toothache; he had to remove the painful tooth. In the third was a woman who had never had an orgasm, who he had to pleasure.

The young brave entered the first tent, and after a while staggered out, very drunk, holding the empty wine skin. The warriors all applauded.

The young brave then staggered into the second tent with the tribal members all holding their breath. There were terrible screams and growls, which got worse and worse as time went on, culminating in such a loud shriek that the tribe was convinced the young brave must be dead.

But finally the young brave staggered out, bruised and bleeding, and said, "Now take me to the woman with a toothache...."

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face............... PRICELESS

A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM AND SAYS HELLO. HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER FROM, SO HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?"

SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS." NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS, "MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I LAID ON THE POOL TABLE WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED MY ASS WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT UP MY BUTT?".

SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR SON'S MATH TEACHER."

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!"

or,

"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"

or,

"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the ocean, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days... and then 3 days... Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...

"OK, I give up. Where's the fuckin' ship?"

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an Inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

Customer says, "Female"

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

Customer says, "White"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to Do with it?"

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

The next day, Rosie came home from school even more excited than the day before. “Mom!” she yelled. “The teacher told us to say our ABC’s today and all the other kids could only go to D. I said, A, B, C, D, E, F, G.” Her Mom praised Rosie for her good work. “It’s because I’m a blonde, isn’t it Mother?” “Yes, Dear”, Rosie’s Mom replied, “It’s because you’re a blonde.”

On Wednesday, Rosie came home all sad. “What’s wrong, Honey?” asked her Mother. “All the other girls in class have flat chests”, Rosie started. “They made fun of me because of these”; she said opening her sweater to reveal her 36C breasts. “It’s because I’m blonde, isn’t Mom?” Rosie asked with tears flowing down her cheeks.

“No, Rosie,” her Mom answered. “It’s because you’re 24.”

A Texas rancher and his wife were bickering while holidaying in France. They were still hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner.

When the waiter arrived, the rancher said: "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak, rare."

The waiter replied: "Monsieur--what about ze mad cow?"

To which the rancher replied, "She'll have a salad."

FIVE PIGS

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.

One morning the farmer was so tired, he couldn't get out of bed.

He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."

"Neither, yelled his wife, they're all in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!"

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the Coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because That is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Master Chief's Stars
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the middle seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low (loud) voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons." After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both judges." After some thought, the fellow in the window seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons, both admirals

"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, squats down, lifts with one hand holds his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely................

Ar e -- m y -- t e s t -- r e s u l t s -- b a c k?"

Las Vegas DMV
THE NEVADA DMV After spending three and a half hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a gift for my son. I brought my selection -- a cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked. "Cash," I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, "I just spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."

"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going back there?"

Dinner with the 'Rents
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making tears come to her eyes and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

Good Name
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by five kids...WOW, the social worker exclaims, are they ALL YOURS??? Yep they are all mine, the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.

Well, says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.

This one's my oldest - he is Leroy.

OK, and who's next?

Well, this one he is Leroy, also.

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! All right, says the caseworker. I'm seeing a pattern here. . .Are they ALL named Leroy? Their Momma replied, well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy' an they all comes a runnin. An if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin them all Leroy.

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, But what if you want just ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?

I call them by their last names

Good News and Bad News
A woman is terribly injured in a car wreck. Her husband races to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. He has sat in the waiting room for three hours when the surgeon enters the room.

The husband jumps from his seat and says, Is she going to make it Doc?"

"I've got good news and bad news.", replies the Doctor.

"Well you better give me the bad news first", says the man.

"All right", the Doctor continues. "She has lost both of her arms and both legs. She will have to fed through a tube and probably never come out of the coma."

"My God!", says the man in a hushed voice. With hope rising in his breast he says, "But you said there was good news Doc. What is it?"

The Doctor replies, "Just kidding, she's dead."

Q:What is worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman who does not do what she's told.

Q:What does Pink Floyd and Dale Earnheart have in common?
A: Their last great hit was The Wall.

The owner of a golf course in North Carolina was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the Duke and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

A group of North Carolina friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry."

Regarding the year 2000, a senior at the BYU was overheard saying "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in North Carolina." When asked why, he stated that "everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world."

The young North Carolinian came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young boy answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

A young bride is sitting on her bed, worried to death. "What's the matter?", asks her mother.

"It's the Honeymoon, Mom. Tom thinks I'm a virgin. You and I both know I've been with so many men."

"Yes Dear", Said her Mom. "To tell the truth, I had the same problem when I married your father."

"What ever did you do?"

"Well, before I joined you Father in bed, I asked for some private time in the bathroom."

"The bathroom? Why the bathroom?"

"I took the raw piece of liver, that your Grandmother gave me and put it in my vagina. It made me as tight as a virgin for my wedding night and afterwards it didn't matter."

The young woman took her Mother's advice and there followed a glorious wedding night. The next morning the Bride found herself alone in bed and a note was pinned to her Groom's pillow. It read:

My Darling,

Last night was the best sex I have ever had. You are everything a man could wan't in a wife. I Love you with all my heart and always will. But darling I can't live with the thought that I have disfigured you for life. Forgive me darling, but Good-Bye Forever.

All My Love,

Tom

P.S.: I left your pussy in the sink.

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear." He felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again.

Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?" His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “Skunk... killed with an axe."

A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting the local hospital when, during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my god!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?" The doctor that was leading the tour explained, "I am very sorry. But this man has a serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they'll explode and he'll die within minutes." "Oh, that's terrible," commented the woman. In the very next room they could see that a female nurse was performing oral sex on a different male patient. Again the woman screamed "Oh my god! How can that be justified?" The doctor replied . . . "Same illness, better health plan."

10. Hey I was in Vegas!
9. The Man is always putting down the Black Man....and me.
8. O.J. is helping me look for the real rapist.
7. I give up my nose for DNA testing for this?
6. Okay, who do I make the check out to?
5. Wait just one minute! Those were MY kids!
4. I'm researching my new book, "The In's and Out's of Child Care."
3. These kids come on to me.
2. On my planet this is normal behavior.
1. I'm studying to be a Catholic Priest.

Hillary for President

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
Ohhh! I really don't want to do that.
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."

Little Girl Jokes
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, eating a cookie while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your cookie."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits too."

Subject: Chicken

A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?"
"I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!
How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK.
Ummmmm...five?"

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
" The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
Documentaries

Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.

Things Women Say When Stressed at Work
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and >senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22 Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

The Newest Medications for Women...
D A M M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. M O M'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting skills.
D U M E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of Rap, Rock, or New Age music.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antibiotic for women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-ALL
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
R A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Subject: Customer Service
If you have ever had to deal with a major corporation's customer Service then you will really appreciate this.
My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00)
I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )
( After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."
Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. )
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"

My Thanks goes out to the Millions of Loyal Readers who have participated.

Maddog